Sunday, January 8, 2012

To All The [Ficticious] Men I've Loved Before...

....aka the make-believe "man candy" entry

*Currently Listening: "So Dance Samba" by Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto
*Current Fragrance: "Field Notes From Paris" by Ineke

I feel that this entry, should come with three disclaimers: 1) I know that most of the NDC#5 entries have been these life/memory fueled epics. I really do love writing them, although they do take a long time to write and I imagine a long time to read as well. I am trying to, in the near future, write more short perfume reviews; reviews of things coming out completely new to the market and some new to me (or I have had them for awhile, but feel as though they should be reviewed). 2) Of the fragrances I'm about to link with these "men" I'm about to wax poetic about, I have not ever smelled any of's purely idea based. I mean, I've never MET Don Draper, and I never will (well, in my dream...but that' know.... ;-) ), because the man's not real! So, I feel like it's TOTALLY o.k. to match scents I have never smelled with characters I'll never meet. 3) Back to Don Draper...I really think this entire entry was a ploy that I created in my own head to have a legitimate reason to post this video...

Don Draper is the current fictitious love of my life. Yes...he's a Cad (yeah, so much so that it gets a capital "C'), a ginormous Cad, a f'ing ginormous Cad, but an inextricably sexy f'ing ginormous Cad! He's one of those "men want to be him, women want to be with him" characters. I'm a little obsessed with "Mad Men", I love the idea of New York in the early 1960's where old world style and glamour are still holding to outward appearances, while powerful zeitgeists like the Civil Right Movement and the Sexual Revolution were taking hold in minds, news, politics, sentiments and bedrooms. Plus, men still wore fedoras. All men look just a little bit sexier sporting a fedora. JFK, I love you...but did have REALLY have to take the Oath of Office without your top-hat on?!??!?! Men's millinery has never been the same; well, sort of.

Don Draper
I think Don Draper would smell like leather and honey. Pretty much the two sexiest scents I could conjure in my mind for a man to smell like. My mind goes to all sorts of place I should just not type about because it's way TMI, and well...I'm pretty sure my Mom is going to read this! (On a women for the record, it's jasmine & unsweetened blackberry jam), But you see, Don drinks and smokes too much to smell just like honey and I've decided to throw in scotch and tobacco. After searching through several fragrances, I've decided that Don Draper should wear either (please make sure you click on all the links for full fragrance descriptions) Eau d'Italie's Bois d'Ombrie or Odori's Tabacco.

Hawkeye Pierce

I like a funny man. (A little "real life" interjection - I think one of the things that makes mine Al's relationship special and has helped us through some really touch spots, is our use of completely off the wall humor.) I think what I find so attractive about Hawkeye Pierce is his ability that in the shit-tastic situation of being stationed with a MASH unit in South Korea, he was able to broach most situations with humor, whit and levity. Not to mention his smile and laugh we so infectious and endearing, they seam to be able to make the sun come out on the cloudiest of days.

Coupling the sunny (yet at times sardonic - just the way I love it) humor with the necessary cleanliness of surgery, I imagine him to smell like something very clean, fresh and uplifting - I'm going to go with fresh mint and basil. Hawkeye Pierce should stash a bottle of L'Artisan Parfumeur's L'eau de L'artisan or Annick Goutal's Eau du Sud in his bunker.

Aleksander Petrovsky

I was going to go with Mr. Big from "Sex and the City", but even though he and Carrie ended up together and made two visually stunning yet mediocre (and I LOVED THEM BOTH) movie's once the t.v. series ended, I'm still pretty pissed at him for all the s@$t he put Carrie though. (Yes, I understand it's not real life :-) and also must admit that he was one INSANELY handsome man.) I'm going to have to go with Aleksander Petrovsky for my "Sex and the City" love. I'm sure there are those of you out there who are going to yell, "But what about Aiden!?!?!" What about Aiden? I'm pretty sure he smelled like sawdust and sweat, and that's just not my thing!

Plus, Mikhail Baryshnikov was my first crush. I feel in love with him watching the PBS broadcast of "The Nutcracker" when I was a young girl.

Back to Aleksander Petrovsky. I can never imagine him slathered in anything that would be traditionally marketed as "manly" as his character came across as "I'm way too much of a euro-art-old-world-stud" to give a damn about that kind of thing! Actually, I don't imagine him to actually wear a fragrance, but just ooze the smell of dark Russian tea sweetened with cherries, like he drank on his first way way way late night date with Carrie. If I went with that, I'd have to leave him out of this post, and I just can't do that; so I came up with BLOOD Concept's B and Van Cleef & Arpels' Midnight in Paris.

Funny is sexy, but so is smart. As much as I'm COMPLETELY objectifying these fictitious men, I'd like to be able to have a conversation with them. There are two kinds of sexy smart 1) I have no idea I'm attractive because I keep my head in a book and 2) The (LMFAO smart) I'm sexy and I know it, so I'll use it as ammunition smart.

Type 1: Dr. Spencer Reid
I love "Criminal Minds" and I'm pretty sure I could write an entry like this about the entire cast. (Except for Elle Greenway. Something about her just bugs me!) I'd also point out that I spent a good chunk of every episode wanting to yell the following at Hotch, "God Lord, would you just get rip-roaring drunk and sleep with a hooker or something so you wouldn't be so damned uptight!?" But I digress...Reid is so adorkily-handsome-hot, and he completely has no idea off it. His light hearted innocence in social situations is wonderfully foiled by his dealings with things that are exceedingly dark and sinister for his job.

I feel like he would wear scents that were light and innocent. I mean, who wants to wear oud while hunting down serial killers? The serial killer's wearing this anyway! (And that wold be TOTALLY AWESOME!)  I'd imagine the young brainiac to wear scents containing light and innocent things like grapefruit and lavender, along the lines of Diptyque's L'eau de L'eau and Lostmarch's L'eau de l'Hermine (ok, that one makes me giggle for the naming & further dealing with fictitious smarty-pants character - granted the spelling is different, but still! Perhaps I should sneak a Harry Potter reference into every NDC#5 entry)

Type 2: Josh Lyman

"The West Wing's" Josh Lyman has what I like to call "smart white boy swagger". He's acutely aware of the fact that the ladies find him lovely and he works it to his advantage and sometime to his detriment. (Good God, I miss "The West Wing"!) The way he smashes his political adversaries (and often loved ones) with his viciously awesome Sorkin-ite words, which make me go week in the knees, and makes him hotter than the tad too soft spoken Sam Seaborn. Yet underneath his swagger is a very sweet tenderness that helps to really make him attractive. In picking out fragrances for him, I wanted a dichotomy in notes that both complimented and contrasted - I went with lime and cedar. Thus yielding Nobile 1942's Estroverso & Caron's Yuzu Man.

I did lie when I said that I hadn't smelled any of these fragrances. I HAVE smelled By Kilian's Pure Oud, which is EXACTLY what I think a serial killer would smell like. They've gotta lure you in, you know! It would lure me in.... I also think this might be Voldemort's signature scent!

In closing, just so I don't come off as COMPLETELY sexist, two fictitious and one real lovely ladies who I find to be jasmine & unsweetened blackberry jam worthy!

Joan Holloway
Dr. Addison Forbes Montomery
Rachel Maddow
*Currently Listening: "Sway" by Rosemary Clooney


  1. Fun post :) I know I have imagined what certain lovely fictious men smell like myself, Mr. Big among them (clean, expensive musk, natch.) I've also wondered what Natalie Portman smells like but that's another story (rich pink plummy floral I'd say!)

    There are a few men's scents that I just adore on guys, or that bring to mind certain guys real life or fictiious,and they seem to fall into a few categories -
    Musk, with a hint of tobacco and wood - I think of my grandpa, dad, the old deacons at church, doctors...conjures wisdom and life experience.
    Pine, with cedar or citrus, coffee, maybe laced with pepper - First scent I liked in this arena was Drakkar Noir, later ones are men's Guerlain L'Instant and Givenchy Play Intense, they say strong, sexy, put-together man.
    Vanilla Spice, with sandalwood or cedar, oriental notes - Kind of my HG men's scent, correlates perfectly with sweet, smart, cuddly man, my type exactly ;) In school, it was Old Spice, now it's Givenchy Pi I adore, it's such a perfect match on my bf, yumm!

    1. Al now loves Diptyque's "Eau Duelle", he says it smells like a humidor.

  2. While I can completely agree with your assessment of how these men must have smelled, I can only disagree with one: Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M.D.. He will forever and for always remind me of my dad (for a couple of reasons: we watched that show religiously as children and I always imagined that character WAS my dad, just televised. His mannerisms, his humor, his intelligence, everything about him resembled my dad...they even shared physical characteristics that didn't help me disassociate them.) To that end, I must stand by my original favorite "man scent" and associate Hawkeye with the ubiquitous smell of my dad, the one he STILL wears and still brings a smile to my face and a tug at my heart because I remember him splashing it on his "Daddy's girls" when we stood there watching him shave in the mornings. That's right...Hawkeye smells like Original Old Spice...and maybe a little splash of gin, he did bunk right next to a still, after all!