"I chose, and my world was shaken - So what?
The choice may have been mistaken,
The choosing was not
You have to move on
Look at what you want,
Not at where you are,
Not at what you'll be..."
|Don't you just want to give Mandy Patinkin a big ol' bear hug?!?|
Sorry for the long blogging absence, but life & work have been PRETTY hectic this month, but I am back. :) I'm back and have something actually not weight loss related to talk about: starting September 3rd I am OFFICIALLY headed back to school and couldn't be more excited.
That being said, the process of getting ready to go back to school both mentally, emotionally and tactically has been a bit of a doozey. Once I was finally registered for my class, "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George immediately popped into my brain. "What the heck?", I thought.... but after a little more pondering, it came to mind...it was very sage advice, from a trusted mentor...finally registering some 3 and a half years later.
Something that I've learned about myself, and probably has a large deal to do with why I write this blog...is my overwhelming desire to help people, to make a difference...and to sound TOTALLY cheesy, to leave this world a better place than I found it. (Doesn't that actually have a name? I think it's a Hebrew term...cookie goes to someone who can tell me what it is...)
Could I have done that by being a musician? Yes. Being a music educator? Absolutely! In my current job? To some small extent, I surmise. As a nurse? ABOSO-FUCKING-LUTLEY!
(Oh, yeah...in case you've spent ZERO time around me or have no knowledge of anything I write on an social media outlet...I'm going back to school to first get my prerequisites and then go to Nursing School for an accelerated BS in Nursing. Right now I THINK I want to work in a hospital in either ER, OR, or Mental Health, but then again...I'm not naive enough to think that I'll go through ALL of my nursing program with the same wants, or that's where my job search will take me. For now, however, those are the goals.)
This is a long way from what my 18 year old self thought I was going to do. Eighteen is when you go to college, when you decide "what you're going to be", right? That's such a stupid notion, seriously...how is an eighteen year old supposed to be equipped to answer that? In many instances, our youth are asked to answer this question MUCH younger than 18. Shouldn't kids just be...oh, I don't know...riding their bikes or gossiping about boys...? You get my drift.
But I digress. I know that my circumstance is not an exclusively unique position, but it is unique in my little circle of friends: I have several friends looking for first time employment in their given field, one looking for new employment in the same field, one starting her doctoral degree and a husband who is employed in a field FAR from from his college degree.
I think I relish this territory. I get to figure this out on my own. This can be mine.
At the same time, this really isn't all that unique. We take our life experiences -- our strengths, our weaknesses, our lessons learned, our battles fought and carry them around with ourselves every single day, into every single circumstance.
I think that's what I love most about life -- it is never EVER static. It's dynamic even when it seemingly at its most placid. Perhaps that's why I love the water so. It's a great metaphor for life. Honestly, have you every seen water be 100% still for more than a nano-second.
Life's about the journey, not the destination. This is true. Also, it's less about "what" you are and "who" you are. Why don't they teach that in public school curriculum? Yay! You got into a good school, but you act as a wretched human being... Please do not mistake what I am talking about...I'm talking about CHARACTER, not morality or religion. I don't know if character can be taught, but certainly it can be shaped...or nudged along.
Yet again, I digress.
I do wonder what it's going to be like to walk into the first Human Biology class. Am I'm going to be noticeably and significantly younger than everyone, will they annoy me, will I find the class easy, will it be difficult? All this not knowing is simultaneously exciting and petrifying. If you know me well, you know that I thrive on the dichotomous existence.
When I started my undergrad, I remember my mother telling me, "watch out for the middle aged ladies in your classes. They'll blow your curve."
Now I think I'm that middle aged lady. Woo-hoo!!!!
This whole going back to school thing has me excited, introspective, little nervous, proud. If I had to pick some emotions I'd be down with being for quite some time...those would be fine by me.
...Just keep moving on
Anything you do
Let it come from you
Then it will be new
Give us more to see..."