The Business of Loosing Weight

Yesterday I talked about suddenly finding myself in Hobo-Olsen clothes (i.e. needing to buy new clothes because the majority of my current clothes don't fit properly). Sadly clothes don't grow on trees, and this proposition takes money. Yet this isn't the only dollars and sense aspect of loosing weight; so today we'll be talking dollars and sense.

Maybe me "complaining" about weight-loss money woes is like kicking a gift horse in the mouth, but it's an actual cause of anxiety in my life right now. Al and I aren't exactly destitute money-wise, nor are we exactly flush. This is also MY decision and MY health, so in the quest of fairness, I want it to encroach on Al's finances as little as possible. (It just works for us to keep a part of our finances separate.)

Here's how it breaks down, although I don't have many specifics:
1) Gym Membership - $89 (I know what you're saying, "that's HELLA expensive for a gym membership!" My counter: IT. HAS. A. POOL!!!! I'm actually EXCITED to go to the gym on the days that I swim. Plus is it equidistant between my work and apartment. It's the best option for me to get my getting-ever-so-slightly-less-fat ass into the gym.)

2) Healthy Foods - Kinda hard to put a price tag on that one. Al takes the majority of the responsibility of healthy dinners. However, I'm not always at HOME for dinner. When I'm out and about for work, I'm on my own. Sometimes the time I get for dinner break is 15, because I'm NOT down with eating  dinner at 10 pm. NO BUENO!

3) Weight Loss Rewards - This varies as well. Approximately $100 for every 10 pounds lost and up to $50 for every 5 pounds in between. I understand that this is not a necessity, but this little carrot is really working for me.

4) Personal Trainer - This is something I know I can't afford at the moment, but really want to. Once I used up my two free personal trainer sessions with my gym membership, I was at the point to where I have to pay for the sessions. For one session a week, I would be pretty much what I charge per hour for a private clarinet lesson, but you have to pay for them by the month in advance. Something that is just not in the financial cards at the moment. Now, if there's anyone reading this that wants to be my Fairy Godmother / Godfather and pay for this...shoot me an email.

5) Properly Fitting Clothes - This is the newest one that kinda hit my like a big ole anxiety brick. My clothes - it kinda feels like overnight - went from baggy to hobo. I SHOULD be thrilled and I AM thrilled, but at the same time the prospect of replacing them....but.... How I am going to afford this? How do I budget for this? It's not like I can map out the exact pay period when I'm due to drop a dress size and jockey to pick up a few extra shifts.

This one's hard, because right after the extreme health benefits of loosing weight and the self esteem I HOPE I'm going to gain is the the clothes. I LOVE fashion! I think it's a true art form, and it has truly hurt that for my entire adult life I haven't directly been able to participate in my fashion obsession with the exception of accessories (and trust me, I've done a great job with that)!

I'm scared I'll have to wear the same dress over and over and over again. How much do I try to buy during the in between sizes? I want to be thrilled that I'm in smaller dress sizes, but right now it's not so thrilling, just anxiety ridden.

Am I doing and feeling this all wrong? Am I missing something?

Should I "punish" myself by making myself wear baggy clothes. After all, I'm still fat...I'm not nearly at a healthy size or my goal weight. Why do I deserve the new clothes? Will the baggy clothes shame me into working harder? Is that the answer?

That sounds a little mean, but it's an option.

Perhaps I'm not giving up enough.

Al and I could stop meals out all together. I could quit going out with my friends. No more hair cuts. No more manicures. No more green tea lattes to make sure I'm nice and happy at work (I normally get those for free thought...). No more margaritas (and those are worth every single stinking calorie).

That would basically mean work, gym, home.

That would basically mean no more life.

That would breed resentment. BIG TIME! Perhaps I don't WANT the weight loss and the new clothes enough, I don't know. What I do want is BALANCE. Something that I've worked really hard to achieve, something that I don't want to loose no matter how much I want the weight off and want the new clothes, because in the end it will just breed resentment.

There are no easy answers. Maybe there are, and I'm just overlooking them. Lovely readers, if you have any suggestions or solutions, please tell me in the comments. In the mean time...I'm be looking on my doorstep for a big bag of cash.